I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
