Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
