There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
