he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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