Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
