I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
