Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
