Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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