They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
