you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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