I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
