your thong is hanging out like whoa
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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