He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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