Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
