Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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