So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
