I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
