Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
