All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
