The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
