I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
