Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
