There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
