I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
