we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
