I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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