This girl is more easily done than said...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
