Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
