i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
