Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
