At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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