Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
