Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
