I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
