it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
