Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
