Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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