i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
