She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
