I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I believe in your delicious
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
