at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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