i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
