I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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