Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
