I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
