I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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