is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
