im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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