I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
