apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
