i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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